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Widowhood, from the perspective of a Domestic Violence Surviving Widow

  • Writer's pictureLudwine Johnson

Bite Meme

Updated: Apr 22, 2020

So they're all like:

"Tis the season to be jolly"

For you it's the season of the overflow of overwhelming out of context tasteless memes that fuels rage.

Gets the grief monster all riled up, gets you all riled up. Next thing you know you've burned the Christmas hen, you forgot to even put in the Brussels Sprouts.

Now it's all in the trash and you're parked six miles away with your windows down chain smoking menthols.

How did we get here?

We gave them power - the outside forces that we battled all year and the lies we're telling ourselves about not being able to move on.

The grief monster, it's chanting that list of all worst case scenarios and each " half baked inspirational meme" is just validating those feelings.

I don't know your story. Neither does the author, sender of these messages.

Even I, widowed just like you, I can only speak from my experience and my said unorthodox way of managing the grief monster.

My friend introduced me to the term "inner monologue", it's the place in our mind where we defend ourselves from all of the triggering commentary and the unsolicited advice.

I'm standing on this stage, the room is pitch black. You only see me, emotionally naked and angry and in the audience are all the memes.

"The new year is coming, what have you done with your life?"

"You can work out all you want, but until you take care of the stuff inside it's worthless"

"Time for a new family photo"

That wasn't even a triggering meme, that was someone else's happy moment, which they're entitled to.

But the grief monster works harder than Santa's elves over the holidays.

So my trick is to remember that our journeys are unique and we're all confronting something different everyday.

So yes, the most overwhelming thing you've done this year is speak at your spouse's funeral, and the treadmill is the only place it hurts less because you're not sure when the next time you'll be ready for new family photos is.

So I switched up my inner monologue, it's sweet & short. I walk on the stage and the lights are on. I have got my best gown on with a train made of angels feathers. The memes in audience turn out to be my insecurities in disguise, so I look down on them and I smile and I say.

Bite Meme!

Have A Holiday on Your Own Terms.




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