NOT A WIDOW'S HANDBOOK

Widowhood, from the perspective of a Domestic Violence Surviving Widow

  • Ludwine Johnson

Clemency for Humanity

Updated: Apr 22


Forgiveness is like that dude you keep curving.

Call him -

"I'm just so angry all the time"

Girl, me three! I was so angry all the time. Now, I'm just angry sometimes.

I talked to this woman about forgiveness, about allowing yourself to move on without an explanation, an apology or even a fight.

To look into your pain & say, cool, but I deserve happy.

Stuff's Hard!

I don't know about you, but it took me into new relationships.

I got to know bitterness quite well. It's by far my worst relationship, feeds you doubt, anger -no, rage! You're grateful, you're doubtful, you're bitter. Then you get triggered and you're vengeful. Then, you're guilty, you're sad, and the vicious circle closes, and you're bitter and we go again... on a 1 & a 2 & a 3.

🤢

Because it would be so much easier to forgive if they "got what they deserve". When truly, we all deserve happy.

Even them.

What?

Yes sis, yes!

Forgiveness requires a hefty amount of kindness & compassion.

To look into a situation and at a someone, and to say; "I choose to be kind to you & to myself. I choose to stop teaching you that it is ok to mistreat me. I choose to stop teaching myself that it is ok to be mistreated"

It's looking into each time you couldn't forgive.. so angry, rageful, bitter spice. All of the horrible thoughts you had and the need to hurt in return.

So you grant us all clemency in spite of our redoubtable humanity...

Slowly but surely, your in the mirror "when I see you" speech turns into a nobel peace price acceptance speech. So good, you could found a mega church!

Here's the bonus - I realize now that forgiveness isn't general. It's not a loyalty card I carry around and each time, we just swipe it & it all goes away.

It's like grief, it moves and dilutes at a different rate depending on the adversity you're facing.

It's daily practice, it's dutiful it's indoctrinated self control & self awareness.

It's where happy lives.

Love,

🌸 #YourFriendlyNeighborhoodWidow


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Lu Johnson | United States

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