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Widowhood, from the perspective of a Domestic Violence Surviving Widow

  • Writer's pictureLudwine Johnson

Cold Turkey 

Updated: Apr 22, 2020

I read on multiple web pages... it takes 21 days to break a habit. My very first cigarette, I had it socially. I was a young adult "experimenting"... I was too busy being the angel on my friends shoulders in High School to try anything.

But even then it was socially, I only smoked a cigarette in company. I dated a boy who smoked & I'd smoke with him when we hung out then went home and like that the bad habit was gone...

Then, marriage.

Then 7 years ago, an argument turned into a physical altercation and I broke away. I got in my car and drove off. Now there I was; hurt and enraged. Drove to a Gas Station & bought a pack of cigarettes smoked a couple & until 22 days ago I had at least one everyday.

I will not go into the many times I tried stopping & fell into self loathing when I failed- that part is boring & unedifying.

23 days ago, I grabbed my pack and I had one cigarette left. It was 11:40 PM I had just gotten out of the train & I was driving myself from the metro station to my house.

Window down, one hand on the wheel, my left hand out of the window, tired from a crazy long day of work... I was going to stop by the gas station to get a new pack. Then I thought; Meh, I don't need it.

I bought that first pack in a moment of rage and confusion and shame and pain. In a time when I did not value my life because the person I loved could not validate that feeling for me.

In that moment I thought about my progress, emotionally and personally.

I had just completed a Self-Love challenge & I thought, what if Day 41 was- never smoke a cigarette again?

22 days later.... I've never been so darn hungry, but I am Tabacco Free.


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